apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
