I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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