I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
