yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
