the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
