He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
