My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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