i just had sex bonerless
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
