i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
