i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
