whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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