UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
