God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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