I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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