A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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