I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
