he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
