these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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