Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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