I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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