well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
