hotel room ftw
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
