God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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