But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
