so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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