What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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