Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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