BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
