Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
