It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
