Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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