Will you blow on my dice?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
