K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
