you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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