and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
