apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
