And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
