I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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