he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
