it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
