dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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