my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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