It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
