Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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