mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
