your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
