Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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