i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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