some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I die, sorry about rent.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
