It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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