my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
