Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
